Forgiveness and repairing (mending) relationships
At one time or another most of us have probably heard the expression, “Forgive and forget.” This expression gives the idea that forgiveness involves wiping away all of the consequence of one's guilt and even wiping it from memory. This is an unfortunate expression because it does not accurately express the Church’s teaching on the nature of sin and the nature of forgiveness.
One aspect of sin is that it damages relationships. The relationship may be between the individual and God only or it may include human relationships. This is evident in many cases. If I steal from you, and you know that I stole from you, the chances are that whatever our relationship was before, it is harmed – if not completely broken – now. When we speak about the relationship of an individual with God we recognize that sin either wounds, or in some cases, completely destroys that relationship. This damage to the relationship of an individual with God that comes from a sin is what is called by the Church, “the eternal punishments due to sin.” The gift of God’s forgiveness heals this relationship and does away with these “eternal punishments.”
There are other aspects of sin, however. Not only are relationships damaged or destroyed, but other real harm can flow from sin. If I steal from you, not only have I damaged our relationship but you have suffered a real financial loss. Simply being forgiven does not magically by itself heal this other real loss. The Church teaches that every offense against justice and truth, including those concerning the unjust taking of property and offenses against another’s reputation require reparation, even if the guilty party has been forgiven. Indeed, authentic forgiveness often requires that the guilty party make reparation, or at least have the authentic intention of doing so, in order for the forgiveness to occur. These effects of sin that linger even after forgiveness has been bestowed are called by the Church the “temporal punishments due to sin.”
Pope St. John Paul II forgave the man who tried to assassinate him. That man was not immediately released from prison simply because his victim had forgiven him. The real consequences of that man’s actions continued to play themselves out in his life. Still, the forgiveness bestowed did release both of them from the prison of hatred.
God’s gift of forgiveness does not mean that God “forgives and forgets” for that would ignore the demands of justice.
Reflection Question
Think of an example of a person who sinned against you and who you ultimately forgave? Was there any reparation that took place? If so, what difference did it make? If not, what difference did the lack of amendment (reparation) make?
Scripture to Explore
Matthew 5 (especially verses 22-26)
Additional References
Catechism of the Catholic Church nos. 2454, 2487, 2509
United States Catholic Catechism for Adults pp. 244, 426, 437
Catechetical Framework for Lifelong Faith Formation MA.2.2.38, MA.3.7.22, MA.4.5.10
Resource for Adult Faith Formation
Prepared for the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston
Distributed courtesy of the National Conference of Catechetical Leadership (NCCL)
© Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston, 2014
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